Skip to main content


So, the post from the 14th (the one that was posted yesterday because I forgot to set it to public when I originally posted it) was a bit whiny in my opinion. I was frustrated with the programming assignment that I was (supposed to be) working on, and my empathy was kicking in pretty badly.

This is not an unusual occurrence. I have found, over the last few years, that I am highly sensitive to outside emotions. People often tell me that I'm a good listener because I always seem to be able to relate. This is because, when I'm listening, I absorb the speaker's emotion, making it my own. It does help me understand where they are coming from, but it has distinct downsides. I often pick up excess emotional energy, sometimes simply by walking by someone in the hall, which I then have to dissipate somehow.

My usual method of doing this is to pour the energy into something constructive, whether it be mechanical (building something, fixing my bike, rearranging my room), computational (technical homework, programming, computer customization), or literary (writing a short story, a LiveJournal post, or forum-hopping). If I'm not able to do this, I have to try to dissipate it through other means. This usually entails one of my brief meditation sessions, which essentially consist of slow, controlled breathing and a clearing of my mind of everything. This tends to bring a short-duration catharsis, and I can function in normal ways again.

However, the occurrence of this issue has been increasing of late, and is starting to become an issue, as I sometimes can't sleep or focus (my eyes, or on work). My hypothesis is that, in high school, I had creative outlets which allowed me to dissipate this emotional energy that I continually absorb, and it didn't build up to a damaging level. Here at college, on the other hand, and especially this semester (boring, dull classes for the most part), I have little creative outlet and thus I'm building up too much of a charge, if I may perpetuate the metaphor.

My proposed short-term solution is actually scheduling a regular meditation into my schedule. This will help, but I'm not sure it will be able to maintain my catharsis. Thus, I need a creative outlet, and so I propose long-term solution as picking up a musical instrument. Currently, I'm leaning towards one of either guitar or keyboard/piano. Guitar would be more flexible for my lifestyle, but keyboard would fit much more of my music, as it tends to be more versatile. Guitar will be cheaper to enter into, but on the other hand, I have some sources into musicians' discounts through some of my friends up here, so keyboard might be feasible.

I have thus decided to forgo the purchase of a new computer (which I had been thinking of up to this point, as my lappy is beginning to wear, badly) in the interest of repairing my mental health, and restart my musical creativity.