Erotica Feels

Wow ok I did not expect to get real feels from erotica this morning. CW egg cracking, transphobia

The work is "Deviled Egg" by Katie the Angel Witch on scribblehub, and if you are into the things I am into, it is a gem of a piece and hits all the right buttons, and it is written by a transfeminine person to boot. This is probably why it is such a gut-punch in places; she knows

But really:

[on being transformed into a succubus and subsequently put under a glamour to appear human but still female] I just stood there, staring at the reflection for five minutes, a smile creeping on my face during it, until I burst into a fit of laughter. [...] My laughter turned hysterical. "Why do you have to feel so right? Why do you have to feel correct? I can't be a girl! I can't be! It's not allowed! Father will never let me!” I made my way out of the bathroom, still hysterically laughing. "I CAN'T BE ONE! HE'LL NEVER LET ME BE ONE! AAAAAAAA!!!!!”

And then, we get up another moment of introspection, and, oh fuck. Katie dearest have you been following me?

... Oh. My ideal dude is a girl who doesn't know yet that she is one. Congrats Lily, you're not escaping that attraction. Wait did I seriously call myself Lily in my thoughts?... I did. Fuck. Okay, keep hiding it. It's gonna be fine. I'll just… be Lily while home alone, I can do that, right? That won't make dad mad, he'll have his son trying to meet his expectations, without ever knowing said son spends his free time with a pair of boobs wearing cute dresses. I can manage living like that, right?

Just over here, literally crying happy/sad/regret/anger tears. Crying for the joy of a cracking egg. Crying for the repression that formed the shell to begin with. Crying for the regret and the might-have-been, both for the protagonist who has had a magical blessing upon her, and for me who could have dodged her male puberty and could not bring herself to say a word. Crying for the oppressors who keep us scared and lonely and closeted and forced to wrap ourselves in protective coatings.

Emotions are hard, yo.